Today has felt a bit like a landmark. Nothing major happened or at least was planned to happen. I went to Swansea with my parents with the idea of seeing St. Trianian's and doing a little shopping.
We ended up bumping into Rhys and his friends, at first I was in so much shock, I felt like I hadn't made any progress, still shaking, had that same sick feeling that makes me unable to eat and still crying but after a while I realised that I was really ok. I genuinely hoped that he had had a good day and realised that even if he had gotten down on his knee and begged me I wouldn't have taken him back for the world.
Also I really appreciated how much time I love spending with my parents, something I never thought possible. I know that no matter what happens they'll always be there for me, when something bad happens, I just want to be with them, in their presence because somehow even that little, without them saying a word I feel safe, I know that I'll be ok. I was so glad that I was with them when I saw Rhys because I knew I was safe and I knew I could be real about how I felt.
Also I was thinking about a chat I had with someone on Boxing night who kept saying how exciting the years ahead of me are and I was just thinking about that and I realised that these really are the best years of my life and how much I love life, school, my family, my friends at the moment. I am quite possibly the happiest I have ever felt.
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