Touching base before the new year

Today has felt a bit like a landmark. Nothing major happened or at least was planned to happen. I went to Swansea with my parents with the idea of seeing St. Trianian's and doing a little shopping.

We ended up bumping into Rhys and his friends, at first I was in so much shock, I felt like I hadn't made any progress, still shaking, had that same sick feeling that makes me unable to eat and still crying but after a while I realised that I was really ok. I genuinely hoped that he had had a good day and realised that even if he had gotten down on his knee and begged me I wouldn't have taken him back for the world.

Also I really appreciated how much time I love spending with my parents, something I never thought possible. I know that no matter what happens they'll always be there for me, when something bad happens, I just want to be with them, in their presence because somehow even that little, without them saying a word I feel safe, I know that I'll be ok. I was so glad that I was with them when I saw Rhys because I knew I was safe and I knew I could be real about how I felt.

Also I was thinking about a chat I had with someone on Boxing night who kept saying how exciting the years ahead of me are and I was just thinking about that and I realised that these really are the best years of my life and how much I love life, school, my family, my friends at the moment. I am quite possibly the happiest I have ever felt.

The marvel of blogging

I was just thinking about the whole blogging idea. I love reading people's blogs, maybe it's because I'm nosey and like hearing about other people's lives but somehow I don't think it is. In some ways you see a true person in their blogging, it's so easy for us to give an impression on the internet, that's true, but there's something about people taking time to write down their thoughts that interests me.

I read various people's blogs and each one has a unique style, some are people from massive charities who write about their trips, etc, others my close Christian friends where I nearly always feel encouraged, some from my non-Christian friends....you wouldn't believe the difference you see in those last two. My Christian friends usually write about the difficulities they previously faced and how God changed things, my non-Christian friends usually write about their problems as a way of relieving themselves. It sounds harsh but in their blogs I read their thoughts...the thoughts about 'me'. I don't mean to be harsh, they're not selfish, they're de-stressing themselves via blogs.

I was just thinking about that, why is it that these blogs are different in this way? I started thinking about why I blog, I usually have a vague topic in mind and then just start typing and by the end I've usually reached some conclusion or at least my thoughts have flowed and have come to some reason...maybe this is what my Christian friends do...they come to some realisation through blogging and my other friends they don't come to a realisation, they sort their problems or situations out to some degree but only to a degree where they become able to talk with others about it or think it through or formulate a plan of action.

If I honestly believe that God uses our thoughts patters and our creativity...Could it be then...that God uses blogging, to serve the writer and the reader...could God really marvel in blogging...ceratinly challenges the stereotypical out of date God....

From the Inside Out- Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

My Birthday

I'm turning 17 tomorrow! I'm so excited about learning to drive.

Birthdays, I think are always a time for reflecting about that person, who they are and what they contribute, and of course most of all, celebrating that they're here! I love the fact that I can thank my Father that I'm here and that He knew I'd be born on that very day at that very time and He was super excited because He has an amazing plan for my life!

I always like to look back on my birthday to see how much has changed in that year, and it would be so easy to think about what I've lost, family, friends, best friends, boyfriends; it would be so easy for me to find how many things I've failed at or didn't live up to my expectations. Everyone has broken plans, dreams and in some way a broken heart. As KT Tunstall says in 'Heal Over', "pain is built to last". It shapes us for who we are.

Instead I'm going to spend time tomorrow thanking God for all the things He has blessed with me over this last year and thank Him that I can hand Him all the broken things in my life and He will use it for good.

Our God is an awesome God

The last week or so, I've just been so overwhelmed by God. Just how amazing He, His grace and His love for me is. No matter what happens I can still come to Him, it's something you hear all the time and yet that's never really had an impact on me until today. I was just like thinking about how I need to sort out spending proper time with God, as I do often but I'm so ruled by schedules and details that I never get around to it. Instead I just stopped, talked to Him for a bit and I knew that was enough. He knows what's happening with me right now and He understands things my words cannot express.

I see so many of my friends living wonderful lives and I'm so thankful for that. It's so apparent to me how different our lives are, how different our callings are and I think that's wonderful! I'm so thankful for my life and everything in it, I really am blessed by my amazing Father!