I finally had time to write on here what God said to me last weekend. I was away, helping to lead a Youth Alpha weekend. Part of the weekend away is a chance to recieve more of the Holy Spirit.
I sat there in the prayer room, in my 'holy' stance, waiting on Him. It was the first time I'd let Him speak to me a while...I knew that we had business to do.
When Rhys broke up with me, I couldn't bare talking to Him, I don't know why, I just couldn't, perhaps it was a defense mechanism, I couldn't cry in front of my friends either. I knew He understood though, that He knew eventually I would come to Him and I did. I poured my heart out and quickly "zoned out" before He had a chance to speak. I knew I couldn't bare to listen to advice from someone who wasn't bias towards me, from someone who I knew would tell me the truth.
Anyway there I was, petrified of the condemnation I knew I deserved and it suddenly hit me...here I was waiting for my big telling off: 'stop gossiping and bitching about him', 'it wasn't all his fault', 'you've got to forgive him'. Instead I got a picture of love and excitement...I knew my Father wouldn't let someone I loved so much go without a good reason. Everytime it hurts, I'm reminded of how better my adventure is going to be.
I was also reminded of His wisdom. Although I hate to admit it, the timing was right, I knew I could handle this now.
Then on the last morning, we had communion and again I had a realisation...this is what it means to follow God. That was so scary...Jesus challenged people to pick up their cross and follow Him...as much as that? To be willing to do what He did? I knew I'd kept God at a safe distance for a while, where I wouldn't have to make sacrifices for Him. I prayed a dangerous prayer :' Make me broken, take away anything that hinders my work for You'. It scares me to know what might come of this prayer, Joni Eareckson Tada prayed a similar prayer and look how much it cost her! I'm excited and scared at the same time. I know God works through me best when I'm broken, truely truely 'I have nothing else to do but come to You' broken...I'm excited at what this will mean though!
I'm working on becoming willing to be 'God foresaken'.
I'll finish off this post with words I had from Him on Saturday night:
'I told you I'd use the pain Princess'.
Saturday, 24 November 2007
Thursday, 22 November 2007
Thanksgiving
I love the idea of thanksgiving, the thought of being thankful makes me feel warm inside, I guess it's the idea that I'd be content. I see so many people around me who are the unhappy because not enough boys like them or they don't have a boyfriend, they're not thin enough or they don't have big enough boobs. There's bigger stuff too, it's true that it's not always insignificant. 'I'm not thin enough' can lead to serious consequences...that's just one example.
Today is thanksgiving and in honesty I haven't been acting very thankful. I often fill in 'myspace' quizes. Today I filled in one where it gave opportunity to write 10 setences to 10 people, instead of taking the opportunity to tell 10 people how much I appreciated them, I chose to use it as a chance to tell at least 8 people how much they'd hurt me, disappointed me, declare to my 'myspace' list that she's gossiping about me, that he isn't all he's cracked up to be, that's she's not as nice as she seems....ME ME ME was the theme...As is the theme for most of people's lives today...it shouldn't be the theme of a Christian's life. A 'me' centered life is dangerous, I believe it can only lead to unhappiness...when you don't reach that goal, when you don't get that boy, when you can't buy that...
I was just reading Andy Booth's blog. He's favourite pastor of mine who I've always been in admired and have always been blessed by his talks and meditations. He wrote this about thanksgiving:
'This is an article I wrote for the Heartland Update this week:
I think God has a sense of humor. Because I grew up in the United Kingdom, neither July 4th or Thanksgiving were part of my annual holiday tradition for fairly obvious reasons! When we moved into our previous house we discovered that our kitchen had Bicentennial tile, with images including the Liberty Bell throughout. Trish took great delight in pointing out the tile to every person who stepped across the threshold of our front door!
Over the last nine years Thanksgiving has become one of my favorite holidays. For one, I love gravy. Those who eat dinner with me know well that they should pass the gravy bowl to me last, because I will take as much as is in the bowl. If the peas are not swimming in a pool of gravy there is something wrong!
But I am also discovering how foundational Thanksgiving is to so much of life.
"Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
Serve the Lord with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!
Know that the Lord, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations."
Eugene Peterson brilliantly paraphrases verse four, "Enter with the password: 'Thank you!'" While he is referring to entering God’s presence in worship, the password "thank you" unlocks other places, including perhaps the most elusive: contentment. The posture of thanksgiving counter-acts some of the cultural norms of today, including pride, complacency, and criticism.
Alex Haley, the author of "Roots," has an unusual picture hanging on his office wall. It is a picture of a turtle on top of a fence post. When asked about it, Alex answered, "Every time I write something significant, every time I read my words and think that they are wonderful, and begin to feel proud of myself, I look at the turtle on top of the fence post and remember that he didn’t get there on his own. He had help."
Notice how many times God is referred to in Psalm 100. Roland Allen tells about a veteran missionary who came up to him one day after he had delivered his sermon. The missionary introduced himself and said, "I was a medical missionary for many years in India. And I served in a region where there was progressive blindness. People were born with healthy vision, but there was something in that area that caused people to lose their sight as they matured."
But this missionary had developed a process that would arrest progressive blindness. So people came to him and he performed his operation. They would leave realizing that they would have become blind, but now they were going to be able to see for the rest of their lives.
He said that they never said, "Thank you," because that phrase was not in their dialect. Instead, they spoke a word that meant, "I will tell your name." Wherever they went, they would tell the name of the missionary who had cured their blindness. They had received something so wonderful that they eagerly proclaimed it.
My first Thanksgiving was spent in Sarasota, Florida, by the pool. It didn’t feel quite right; I had heard so many stories of how Thanksgiving needs to be celebrated in cold weather, watching football! Later that day I came to the realization that I was compartmentalizing my response. Not just in this moment, but generally. Here is how my mind would work, “If I feel like this, then I will respond like this."
Like many other things thanksgiving is not an emotion itself, it is an act of the will that results in an emotion. Paul urges us in his letter to the Thessalonians to "give thanks in all circumstances because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." Paul is not being flippant or trying to minimize difficult circumstances of life. Think about how much tough stuff he went through himself. He is just encouraging us to press forward through thanksgiving, rather than retreat into cynicism.
When I am having a bad day, I will sometimes take a blank sheet of paper and begin to list 10 things I am thankful for. It is a discipline because nothing in me wants to do it. Here is what invariably happens: the first few things I write are generic and obvious and they don’t affect my emotions. But then I will write a few more, and then often something will pop into my mind that I hadn't thought of and a small smile might appear. Getting the rest of the way to ten comes pretty quick, but I can’t stop because I now have 11 or 12 things. Who writes a list of 11 things?! So I keep going and more often that not I have filled my paper with dozens and dozens of things. My whole mood has altered and the atmosphere in the room has tangibly lightened.
This season find space to stop long enough, to look at what God has done, and the perhaps write something in response. Have a wonderful week.'
Even though I'm not American, I love holidays- Christmas, Easter, anything really...thanksgiving is one I'm going to make more of an effort to celebrate traditionally from now on.
Today is thanksgiving and in honesty I haven't been acting very thankful. I often fill in 'myspace' quizes. Today I filled in one where it gave opportunity to write 10 setences to 10 people, instead of taking the opportunity to tell 10 people how much I appreciated them, I chose to use it as a chance to tell at least 8 people how much they'd hurt me, disappointed me, declare to my 'myspace' list that she's gossiping about me, that he isn't all he's cracked up to be, that's she's not as nice as she seems....ME ME ME was the theme...As is the theme for most of people's lives today...it shouldn't be the theme of a Christian's life. A 'me' centered life is dangerous, I believe it can only lead to unhappiness...when you don't reach that goal, when you don't get that boy, when you can't buy that...
I was just reading Andy Booth's blog. He's favourite pastor of mine who I've always been in admired and have always been blessed by his talks and meditations. He wrote this about thanksgiving:
'This is an article I wrote for the Heartland Update this week:
I think God has a sense of humor. Because I grew up in the United Kingdom, neither July 4th or Thanksgiving were part of my annual holiday tradition for fairly obvious reasons! When we moved into our previous house we discovered that our kitchen had Bicentennial tile, with images including the Liberty Bell throughout. Trish took great delight in pointing out the tile to every person who stepped across the threshold of our front door!
Over the last nine years Thanksgiving has become one of my favorite holidays. For one, I love gravy. Those who eat dinner with me know well that they should pass the gravy bowl to me last, because I will take as much as is in the bowl. If the peas are not swimming in a pool of gravy there is something wrong!
But I am also discovering how foundational Thanksgiving is to so much of life.
"Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
Serve the Lord with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!
Know that the Lord, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations."
Eugene Peterson brilliantly paraphrases verse four, "Enter with the password: 'Thank you!'" While he is referring to entering God’s presence in worship, the password "thank you" unlocks other places, including perhaps the most elusive: contentment. The posture of thanksgiving counter-acts some of the cultural norms of today, including pride, complacency, and criticism.
Alex Haley, the author of "Roots," has an unusual picture hanging on his office wall. It is a picture of a turtle on top of a fence post. When asked about it, Alex answered, "Every time I write something significant, every time I read my words and think that they are wonderful, and begin to feel proud of myself, I look at the turtle on top of the fence post and remember that he didn’t get there on his own. He had help."
Notice how many times God is referred to in Psalm 100. Roland Allen tells about a veteran missionary who came up to him one day after he had delivered his sermon. The missionary introduced himself and said, "I was a medical missionary for many years in India. And I served in a region where there was progressive blindness. People were born with healthy vision, but there was something in that area that caused people to lose their sight as they matured."
But this missionary had developed a process that would arrest progressive blindness. So people came to him and he performed his operation. They would leave realizing that they would have become blind, but now they were going to be able to see for the rest of their lives.
He said that they never said, "Thank you," because that phrase was not in their dialect. Instead, they spoke a word that meant, "I will tell your name." Wherever they went, they would tell the name of the missionary who had cured their blindness. They had received something so wonderful that they eagerly proclaimed it.
My first Thanksgiving was spent in Sarasota, Florida, by the pool. It didn’t feel quite right; I had heard so many stories of how Thanksgiving needs to be celebrated in cold weather, watching football! Later that day I came to the realization that I was compartmentalizing my response. Not just in this moment, but generally. Here is how my mind would work, “If I feel like this, then I will respond like this."
Like many other things thanksgiving is not an emotion itself, it is an act of the will that results in an emotion. Paul urges us in his letter to the Thessalonians to "give thanks in all circumstances because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." Paul is not being flippant or trying to minimize difficult circumstances of life. Think about how much tough stuff he went through himself. He is just encouraging us to press forward through thanksgiving, rather than retreat into cynicism.
When I am having a bad day, I will sometimes take a blank sheet of paper and begin to list 10 things I am thankful for. It is a discipline because nothing in me wants to do it. Here is what invariably happens: the first few things I write are generic and obvious and they don’t affect my emotions. But then I will write a few more, and then often something will pop into my mind that I hadn't thought of and a small smile might appear. Getting the rest of the way to ten comes pretty quick, but I can’t stop because I now have 11 or 12 things. Who writes a list of 11 things?! So I keep going and more often that not I have filled my paper with dozens and dozens of things. My whole mood has altered and the atmosphere in the room has tangibly lightened.
This season find space to stop long enough, to look at what God has done, and the perhaps write something in response. Have a wonderful week.'
Even though I'm not American, I love holidays- Christmas, Easter, anything really...thanksgiving is one I'm going to make more of an effort to celebrate traditionally from now on.
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
Bargain Store- Dolly Parton
My life is like unto a bargain store
And I may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
But with a little mending it could be as good as new
Why you take for instance this old broken heart
If you will just replace the missing parts
You would be surprised to find how good it really is
Take it and you never will be sorry that you did
The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And I will guarantee you'll be completely satisfied
Take these old used memories from the past
And these broken dreams and plans that didn't last
I'll trade them for a future, I can't use them anymore
I've wasted love but I still have some more
The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And I can guarantee you'll be completely satisfied
My life is like unto a bargain store
And I may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
With a little mendin' it could be as good as new
The bargain store is open, come inside
The bargain store is open, come inside
And I may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
But with a little mending it could be as good as new
Why you take for instance this old broken heart
If you will just replace the missing parts
You would be surprised to find how good it really is
Take it and you never will be sorry that you did
The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And I will guarantee you'll be completely satisfied
Take these old used memories from the past
And these broken dreams and plans that didn't last
I'll trade them for a future, I can't use them anymore
I've wasted love but I still have some more
The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And I can guarantee you'll be completely satisfied
My life is like unto a bargain store
And I may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
With a little mendin' it could be as good as new
The bargain store is open, come inside
The bargain store is open, come inside
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