Church

This morning I went to Church for the first time in a very long time, so long in fact I can't actually remember when I last went. I connected with God in a way I'd be longing to, simply because I was in amongst my brothers and sisters. It felt like there was unity, that I was in a safe place. It sounds incredibly cliche but I guess God wanted to show me how important fellowship is and taking one morning out of every week to connect with His Church. It wasn't that I connected amazingly with the worship or that the prayers struck me but just simply that I'd taken time to stop and let God in. I wonder how much I've missed in the last few months.

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The Father's Heart

Recently someone whom I care a lot about told me they were no longer a Christian, because, I quote, ‘Christianity sucks’. As someone who is passionate about God, clearly this was sad news for me but I knew that people have to make their own choices. A few days later I was still feeling quite upset about this and decided to talk to God about it. This “talk” sort of turned into more of a rant about how unfair it is that I’m hurting about this and "anyway why are Christians throwing away their faith? What is wrong with them, how can they get bored with faith? And why don’t people understand the difference between religion and God? Why has my friend chosen to give up on God when I’ve never felt more passionate about Him? And why did God bother telling me? What can I do?" I felt no less frustrated or any closer to any answers and definitely no nearer to saving my friend and I found myself just saying “why?” God’s answer? “I thought you wanted to know my heart?” Suddenly it dawned on me, I’ve asked God to show me this person through His eyes countless times and now I knew a fraction of what God was feeling. Before this person told me this news, God already told me, (I’d been asking God what He wanted to say to me that day) and so I told my friend that God had told me they had chosen to no longer be a Christian before they did but other than that I had nothing to say, except that I agreed that religion sucked and that’s why I chose to follow God. There is nothing else I can do now but pray and continue to love this person…that was God’s reply when I asked what I could do.

Youth Weekend Away

Last weekend, the youth group went away for their second retreat together to Cilcoed. We took even more youth away than on the Alpha weekend which was wonderful. The theme was Easter and for each session we looked at a station of the Cross.

I chose to do a joint session with Ellie on identity. We looked at the point at which Jesus is stripped of his clothes and is mocked, i.e. he has nothing and no one. I talked about how it would have been easy for Jesus to find his identity in His circumstance at that point and conclude that He was nothing and then shared my own testimony about my self esteem issues. I outed myself as a former self-harmer which was difficult as much as I didn't want to, I started to cry at the beginning of my talk, but God even used that to reach the youth, but as always with my talks God came through and I knew after that it wasn't me doing the talking but Him, which is undoubtubly much better!

Ellie talked about how Jesus is stripped and how in order to find our true identity in God this is necessary. I found this challenging and have been reading a book called 'The Irresistable Revolution' since the weekend which has made me see being a Christian in a totally different way and left me wanting to "strip myself".

The weekend captured the true essence of fellowship, the youth acted like the Church should in using each other to share their weaknesses, become vunerable and support each other. It was truely moving to watch these wonderful people so hungry for God.

On the last morning we had a "service" with worship led by the band that has been formed in the youth group, Paul's testimony [in a way I've never heard it told before], worship in the form of their own pslams being read aloud and sharing testimonys. All of which took courage; vunerability; and most of stripping of pride, fears, etc, but for the sake of God and His Church they did it!

Plain White T's- Hate is a strong word (I really don't like you)

You were everything I wanted.
You were everything a girl could be.
Then you left me brokenhearted
Now you don't mean a thing to me
All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you
Brought you around
And you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word.
But I really really really don't like you.

I really don't like you.

Thought that everything was perfect
Isn\'t that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it
Now I think a little differently
All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you
Brought you around
And you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you

Now that it\'s over you can't hurt me
Now that it\'s over you can't bring me down

Black Roses Red- Alana Grace

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away
Chorus:
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love (x6)

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame in on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love (until fades)

New Year's Resolutions

1. Read the entire Bible
2. Write my diary regularly again
3. Cook more in order to have a healthier diet
4. Learn to drive
5. Get over Rhys
6. Work harder in school
7. Take better care of my teeth




I spent new year's eve at my friend, Hattie's house. She had invited about 10 of us over as it's her birthday on new year's day. It was such a nice evening, just to chill out and have fun with friends. I sure hope that it's true that the way you spend your new year's eve is the way you will spend your year!